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Ignore What's Missing

by GILT

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1.
The holes that came with your clothes Paying to self-diagnose I want to fix things in good repair Ignore what’s missing, focus on what’s not there Let yourself be weak Prayers half-pronounced, falling asleep Let it scab. Regrow some skin you never had You’re numb and calloused, but you can feel it pressing Left you there a couple days Watched you pass the time but never change I grew on you like vines on stone I fall at your feet, it’s seasonal
2.
Flowers 02:35
You paint flowers on the parts of yourself you don’t like I spent some time pulling thorns out of my side And don’t you ever get sick Of being right about it? You burn the candle to the quick Broke the glass and tried to melt that Like it’d grow back if you didn’t A lot’s changed but you peel back the new growth Crush the scraps underfoot until it’s comfortable How can you haunt yourself if you’re never home? Written lists on your skin You still don’t know where to go
3.
Charity 02:57
You’re not pulling my teeth out When my fingers will do just fine Talk about speaking in tongues No there’s no more cavity for lies And I’ve got an answer for it all A life of call and response Well every echo’s not a choir But I’m safe till someone catches on You can be honest And you can still be wrong There’s too many hands trying to feed Words that no one ever wants to eat Reach out but never touch A new name for the same crutch There’s too many hands that trying to feed A voice that loves to hear itself speak A gift that’s a hook with a lead No favor given to any but me There’s no empty pockets if you’ve got none No answers if you’ve got no questions There’s nothing here to be shared Just lent out broken, and you pay for repairs
4.
Shelf 01:04
He was raised, yeah But more like put up to it Give him patience But no way to stop moving One hand broken One hand held So there’s nothing free To fix yourself If the sky’s the lid Then what's the shelf? You want to break the glass It can’t be helped You get it honest You can’t put your finger on it
5.
Know my name Know my face Know my weaknesses Partial to you I am sum of the pieces The whole of the moon Couldn’t pull back the seas I’ll float on my fears I will drown all my beliefs You know me best Blind hands to flesh, you pull my insides out Make me from ribs The perfect place to tie a string around I remember it You casting gold over my skin Tell me the last thing you feel Before you fall asleep again
6.
Never quite first or last Remarkably inoffensive, upset but safe The story of the middle class With bandages on your thumbs to ease the pain Of turning the page again But it’s still the same book, and you know how it ends Something got lost When your parents gave up and bought this house Something got lost in the youth that was passed onto you It was tainted and watered down You were an easy kid to raise And of that you’re clinically self-aware But now you’re white-knuckle pissed off With soft skin and helmet hair Something got lost It was the innocence to fight back Something got lost It was a danger you could wrap your head around Something got lost Maybe they didn’t see it in you, like in themselves Something got lost Maybe they hid it like a present, on the top shelf
7.
Blue Ink Pen 04:14
Mirror me, mirror me Press on the glass Mouth me the words And I’ll relay them back Lean in close So I know Practice appearance But grade on intent Circle back on itself To explain what it meant There’s a verse in the margin Still wet from your blue ink pen They're just stains on the paper Pressed down so gently Like firstborns in the river Hands soft and patient Like feathers in the quiver Try to append yourself But there is nothing you have left to say Never have to be alone As long as you are in your own way I’m gonna trace over each letter you wrote Ship it off to your empty postal code So it’ll return to sender, one day
8.
The monthly quota / another kid in a cage Skimming off the top It’s a bleeding wound / it’s severance pay Keep your head above water In a sea of limbs lifted in praise You sink and tithe (drowned and revived) It’s a repeat offense It’s an open and shut case And are you on the take yourself? Getting by, not getting help? Fingers tied to palm the bribe Holes in your hands not water-tight The office sent it’s condolences Church family sent a tax-deductible gift But corporate had to let him go Caught him stealing their trash to feed his kids You said, “I saw your post And I want you to know you’re in my prayers and thoughts I’d like to be there myself But you know how it is asking for paid time off Just don’t get too political Don’t get too political or you’ll scare them away Oh God, that’s what happened to Rage”
9.
There was no screaming crowd No human chain No police tape No barricade When you were taking a little more than you should There are no politics That transients could tag walls with That could outweigh the benefits of the moment It’s never an emergency until it is You’re the Sun, you’ve got nothing to gain I’m sorry it turned out that way All the beautiful things you illuminate While dying patiently And you were never more true to anything Than counting all the lights as they turned on for evening And loving their indifference, Uncompromised and innocent
10.
Open but not exposed Something hollow’s living in my clothes What color is the light when it’s turned off? What’s lying behind your teeth when you talk? You’re not breaking in I left the window open Take my body, I don’t need her I never lived here either It’s the same thing again, just that time has passed It’s the same thing again, just that time has passed You look at yourself, and it looks back It’s the same thing again, just that time has passed
11.
Car Seat 03:31
If there’s slack in the safety belt don’t take it off Lean forward until you’re torn between held and caught Sat still for 20 days, things burrow under me and disintegrate Don’t know if they go away, or just spread apart Trying to take up all the space You make my blood run cold You’re gonna make it snow this summer But you can’t shake me I’m already shaking You could never be what they wanted When they told you to, "Just be yourself" Don’t take this advice, keep living for the afterlife Couldn’t think of a better place to die This car seat decomposes just as well
12.
There’s a point where looking for answers Becomes more of a habit and less of a comfort I checked all the locks in my house and then it flooded I know they say possessions can be replaced But then why are photographs so effective? Are memories made collecting or collected? Not to complain but sometimes it gets depressing How almost your entire skillset is investments your parents made Almost 20 years before they knew who you’d want to be I know it’s petty but I’d love to be reimbursed For all the extra years you’ll get to spend with her Cause I didn’t have the tools or words at the time To articulate a complex situation I didn’t want you as a mirror Because I only saw myself from my own perspective Where I could frame any affection as penance If I could do it all again, I’d probably just make different mistakes In new and almost impressive ways So I try not to dwell on who I was at the start It’s still growth if it’s growing apart I scavenged most of my discernable traits Off the corpse of someone who looked a lot like me And I don’t think I’m as ashamed of that as I should be Cause I never paid much attention to how it all panned out for him He’s gone now, and I’ve got to live with it You were kept like literature Like a catalog or scripture To be picked up and quoted and put back down Or like a diary left out Not learned from, just learned about

credits

released August 21, 2020

Ash - Drums
Nico - Bass / vox
Tristan - Guitar / vox
Tyler - Guitar / Keys / Vox

Recorded / Mixed / Mastered by Lee Dyess at Earthsound Studios
Additional recording by Tyler at The Two Story House

Rosie Richeson recorded by Tyler Bisson

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